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The way parents communicate with their children, their attitude, their attitude and the degree of determination affect their lives for better or worse. The mother and father speak in different languages, one says yes, the other says no, causing the child to grow up without knowing the limits. The “border strategy mek in raising children determines their friendship during adolescence and how they will spend their lives in adulthood.
Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Specialist from Acıbadem Maslak Hospital Arzu Önal, pre-school and school food will eat, toys that do not share, do not compromise children will have a bad adolescence, if the measure says. In a sense, the danger signals in childhood give the codes of adolescence and adulthood.
Dr. Arzu Önal answered the questions asked about the negativity of parents in terms of not being able to draw borders and what to do when raising children:
Why do children need to set limits?
The first thing children notice in everyday life is the limits of parents. If there is no limit, he constantly wants to hit the wall, that is, to repeat the unwanted behavior. Multiply, he thinks they'il stop me. Some mothers and fathers are so flexible towards their children that the child cannot stop, and because it cannot be hit, it bites, scratches, scratches its own hair and face, and harms its mother and father. When his mother never reacts, he continues to do so by further intensifying his attention. Children are pushing the limits unless they are called 'stop'.
Two-three years of rehearsal of adolescence
This period, when their children say 'no' to everything, starts at the age of 2 and continues until the age of 8-9 if they do not receive treatment. The child reacts to the lack of requests at school, stays in the corner, does not approach friends. These children are excluded by their environment during adolescence. The child also carries his unhappiness at school home. The younger the families apply to a specialist, the easier it will be for their children to establish healthy relationships in the future.
What mistakes do parents most often make?
• Turkish families do something when they promise. Especially if they promised something financial. But when it comes to a restriction on behavior, for example, if he has been misbehaving that day, his mother punished him not to go out, the mother cries, crying, crying, he can not stand to apply.
• The child, who sees that the punishment is not applied, reaches the result by crying in the same way.
• The mother and father decide together about the limit or punishment they will set. However, if the child is unaware of this decision and, in the opinion of the child, is suddenly confronted with restraint, it is even worse. In the end, they have the patience of the parents, they are hard on their children or they slap them and keep them quiet.
• When the child does not know why he is being restricted, he is beaten and his parents are shaken.
• There are very few situations in the family where both parents are compatible. Children can never learn the boundaries when the mother and father play the separate wire.
• Mothers are very open in their relations with the physician. Communicates more easily. However, when fathers bring their children to a psychiatrist, they are very happy to fulfill every wish of their children and do not cooperate very much.
• The fathers' approach is that their children's problems will grow when they grow up. The child cannot say, 'Let me not do this wrong'. Fathers expect little children to show this maturity. However, certain limits need to be set for children's behavior.
The child can't grow up if he can't learn to be criticized
He pointed out that he can correct very few personality problems in adulthood. Arzu Önal said, irse If the child is brought to the physician at the age of two when he is stubborn, if the mother and father follow the physician's recommendations, the child's personality is really shaped very well. It is necessary to respond to childhood problems in a timely manner and to pay attention to spiritual development in this period. ”
Because the problems that are not solved in childhood lead to harsher reactions and unsolvability in adulthood. When troubled children grow up, for example, when her lover leaves, she feels guilty, insufficient and insecure. Children who have learned to be criticized alongside their parents, sometimes even harshly criticized, perceive them positively when others show negative reactions. If he's always been accepted, he reacts very harshly when someone criticizes him, scorns him. These people fail in the future, live alone and unhappy. Dr. Arzu Önal points out that for all these reasons, children should be limited.